Goodbye, Ole Blue

This week, I had to do the unthinkable.

I had to retire Ole Blue, the can opener I'd had since I was a freshman in college.

It was a good run we had, Ole Blue and me. When I was a freshman in college, some 15 (!) years ago, I had a pretty crappy can opener. I don't know exactly how it happened, but one day I went to my Post Office Box and found Ole Blue waiting in a padded envelope.



(Why yes, those are granite countertops. Of course they are. It's a special, rare blonde granite.)

It was a gift from my dad's friend Steve, who has been subjecting himself to the abuse of hanging out with our family since I was about five years old. Actually, he still does on a regular basis, even down to working for Jason and mom in the catering company.

At any rate, Old Blue came into my life and spoiled me. He has opened countless cans of soup, Chef-Boy-Ar-Dee ravioli, and other canned goods. When we got married, we didn't get a new can opener - I brought Ole Blue with me.

Ole Blue opened up lots of cans of soup that first year. And most of it wasn't even name brand.

Over the past few months, though, I noticed Ole Blue just wasn't the same. I was having to go back over the same spot more than once to get it to open. And then last week, I had several cans to open for dinner. No matter how many times I went over those spots, they just would not open.

Panicked, I used one of my old knives to finish the job. I cannot guarantee that my family did not enjoy some delicious metal shavings with their whole kernel corn.

That did it. I had to put Ole Blue down.

I went to Walmart the next morning, because we were having Manwich for lunch and needed a reliable can opener. I picked up this one, which I guess I'll name "New Black:"



It's not the same. I loved Ole Blue, and I don't know if they even make them like that any more. After having this design, I can't STAND those puny little can openers - you know the ones I mean - that take the strength of several large men to open one can.

But, I figured that for $2.97, New Black was a good stopgap measure. If I don't absolutely love it, I've only wasted three bucks, and it gives me time to figure out my next can opener move.

I'd pay a pretty penny for another opener I liked as well as Ole Blue, that I wouldn't have to replace for another 15 years.

How exciting!

I'm part of a recall!

Normally, I don't have any products new enough to qualify for a recall - like those on cars - or of the right product category, like baby items.

But this time - it's my beloved Senseo machine.

The one that got me hooked on coffee, and the one that saw me through last week until Jason bought me a new Hamilton Beach Brewstation.

(The six-cup model that was $25 at Walmart. Not the $50 model. Don't get too excited, folks.)

Apparently, there is some problem with mineral buildup and an "external electrical fault" and exploding coffee machines. And while I no longer use the Senseo as my primary machine (and there haven't been any reports of problems in this country, just in Europe) - well, heck, if they're going to be nice enough to send me a brand spanking new coffee maker, who am I to quibble?

I feel so special!

SO, if you have one of these machines, hie thee hither to the Phillips website, and check the bottom, and see if yours is on the list.

Can't have our coffee makers exploding on us, can we?

Shenanigans and goings-on

Oh my word, people. I'm going to to have to get a thermometer to hang around my neck, so I can justify to folks when I say I'm FREEZING.

Some people need hard, empirical data, you know. They just won't take my word for it that it's blue cold, even indoors. ESPECIALLY indoors.

I'm pretty sick of winter already, y'all. And really sick of having to sit indoors bundled up in my wool coat. Especially at restaurants. And at work. And at church.

And you know how people will say, "If it's this cold, we should at least get some snow!" This morning, we did actually get a few flurries. Emphasis on flurries. I think about five flakes hit my windshield as I was dropping Anna Marie off at school, but it had basically ceased by the time I got to work.

About that ball I attended on Saturday - I ended up wearing a pair of capri-length dress pants with my tall boots, thus rendering me slightly pirate-like in my demeanor.

I couldn't get Jason or Amanda to go with me, so I ended up taking my mom. Which was fine, really. She had never experienced anything remotely like that - lots of music, lots of ladies who obviously didn't check the mirror before they left the house (why else would they have let themselves hang out of their dresses that way?), and lots and LOTS of liquor.

LOTS of liquor.

The better to lubricate the live auction later, naturally.

The food was only so-so. The prime rib had apparently been held too long, and was no longer rare - rendering it no longer prime rib, but roast beef.

Dessert was king cake, and honestly, I wasn't impressed. Amanda had eaten some at a press convention several years ago, and was blown away - the kind of blown away you get where you can't stop thinking about a food.

I'm thinking that, unlike Amanda's king cake, mine just came from the Kroger up the street.

We ended up leaving about two hours into the evening. Mom wanted to bid on a couple of purses on the silent auction table, but that wasn't over until 10 p.m. and we didn't intend on being there that long.

I was glad that I got to take mom. She never gets to go to fancy events like that, and she got a free meal out of the deal - always a plus in her book! And we really don't get to do enough things together, just the two of us. And when we do, her cell phone is usually ringing constantly, interrupting us. Somehow, it was silent on Saturday night.

I don't know what my relationship with her is supposed to be like as an adult. As a child, there were so many of us children, and I was the oldest, so I was expected to be responsible for myself - and often several others too. Do we, as women, ever find a balance in our adult relationships with our mothers, and come to terms with our raising and how it has affected us?

I sure hope so.

And I hope that Anna Marie and I are successful in navigating those waters as time marches on.

Eye-rone-eee

Get it? Irony!

(Leave me alone. I have to go to the dentist in a few minutes, and I'm trying to take my mind off the fussing he'll do because, ok, I'll admit it - I'm not the world's greatest flosser. So sue me!)

I was asked if I'd blogged this story yet, and really, until I was asked that question, I didn't find it was all that blog-able. But apparently this other person (who can spin quite a yarn herself, you see,) thought it was blog-worthy. So here goes.

Last Monday, I came home from work and started dinner.

Stir-fry, to be exact.

That method of cooking, if you don't know, required me to put a bit of canola oil in a pan, and heat that pan, and place some pieces of meat, in this case pork, into that heated oil.

You know how sometimes you put something into hot oil, and the oil splatters? Well, that's exactly what happened to me on last Monday night. It splattered all over my clothes - my good, work clothes.

(Remember that part - the part about the work clothes. It will become important later.)

So it splatters. And I panic. PANIC! Because I don't have all that many clothes to begin with, and I can't afford to lose a single article!

And I grab the Shout from off the laundry cart (which, since our laundry machines are in the kitchen, is in easy reach) and proceed to pre-treat my clothes.

My clothes (work clothes, remember) which are still on my person.

I then decided that this was not a comfortable development, the wearing of clothes saturated with stain remover. It was cold, and it was sticking to my skin, and the scent was not conducive to eating dinner.

So I told myself, "Self, you just need to get into your PJs."

Except - it was around this same time that I also realized that the trash needed to be rolled to the curb. And Jason was already in his PJs, so, being the good wife, I rolled the trash can out.

While the food was cooking.

(Can you see where this is going?)

As I got closer to the house, I heard the unmistakable beeping of a smoke detector.

As I entered the house, I realized it was our smoke detector.

And in that kitchen, I found my husband, accusing me of trying to burn the house down by leaving the stove unattended and not buying my logic (that I had to go ahead and take out the trash so that I could get out of my Shout-saturated shirt and into my PJs) at ALL.

I had to open the back door to help filter the smoke outside, and the smoke detector continued to go off intermittently throughout the meal. Nice.

Are you waiting on the ironic part of my story?

Guess what Amanda got me for Christmas.

A really nice, for-real apron. From Williams-Sonoma even. The wearing of which could have saved me from the whole ordeal.

Ah yes. Irony.

Unlike revenge, it's a dish best served hot.

EEEEK!

No, it's not a mouse - it's a missing memory card out of my camera!

(I'm pretty sure Jason knows where it is, but I'd have to eat a good bit of crow to ask him. I left it in his laptop's card reader, but yesterday it wasn't there. So I assumed it was back in the camera. But I assumed wrong!)

I was going to tell you that my blue funk seems to be fading to a light, powdery shade of aquamarine, and show you some pictures from The Enchanted Forest last week, but - EEEK - no memory card!

Guess I'll have to settle for posting a link to pictures that Amanda took after The Nutcracker a couple weeks ago:

Our little ballerina

Bah, humbug?

I have a cousin who always wants her blog to be a place of encouragement and light.

This ain't that blog, at least not today.

Bear with me a minute, folks - this post is going to be a little rough.

I'm having a really, really tough time getting into the "Christmas spirit."

(Hey, remember me? I'm the girl who was "ready" for the holidays just a few days ago! Wasn't expecting a blue funk to get in the way, unfortunately.)

It's shameful, really, that I'm letting the concerns of my everyday life intrude upon what should be a joyful celebration of my Savior's birth, but that's what I'm in danger of doing.

I should be good to go - thanks to Sam's Club (and their small army of Chinese workers) my tree looks fabulous this year. And I got to hit a couple of Black Friday sales yesterday, before work, and I got Anna Marie a new coat (which she badly needed, and has already gotten) and a couple pair of pajamas (which she also badly needed, and which she also has already gotten one pair) and a couple of Webkinz (buy one, get one free!)

And tomorrow, Jason and I get to help the preschoolers at church learn their Christmas carols, and attempt to figure out the handbells, so they can perform in front of an adoring congregation.

And my gracious, in the past three days, I've watched TWO Home Alone movies, and The Santa Clause, AND I'm currently watching Elf.

(Oh my goodness - it's the scene at dinner, where he just downed an entire two-liter of Coke, and is about to drown his spaghetti in maple syrup! Wohoo!)

But, before we get to Christmas, there's just so much stuff. There's our town's Christmas parade on Monday, and Anna Marie is supposed to march with her dance school, but guess what - her cough is back! And lest you think that I can just keep her home, oh no - if I'm not in the parade, I have to cover the parade, and although it's been in the mid-50's for the past two weeks, the temperature promises to drop to about 30 just in time for the parade to start.

Yeah, my camera usually freezes at some point during the night.

(Monday night, when I have a meeting straight after work, and then the parade, and God only knows when I'll get back home.)

Tuesday night, I've been asked to sing at our church's Women's Ministry banquet, which is a HUGE honor for me, but also a HUGE stress, because it's what, three days away, and I have no song! Guess where I'll be tomorrow night while Anna Marie is practicing for her Christmas musical - at the Christian bookstore, looking for a soundtrack.

(Tuesday night, which is also the night of one of my meetings, which means I'll be nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs waiting for the meeting to be over so I can drive to church.)

And, someone very close to me got a call today that, unless they came up with a mortgage payment by 2 p.m., their home was going into foreclosure today. Merry Christmas to you, too, mortgage company!

(And lest you think this was part of the whole sub-prime mortgage mess, it wasn't - it's more of a health-related inability to work.)

While these folks probably won't be out on the street by December 25, it does certainly put a damper on any celebrating that was going to be done.

There is a good bit of drama going on in my family (no, not Jason and Anna Marie - he's always afraid folks will think I'm talking about him) and drama, if you didn't already know, always seems to complicate the holidays.

I guess I'm either depressed, or real close to it, because I've been eating everything in sight today - and it's not even anywhere near time for my "friend" to visit.

I feel like such a putz, complaining to y'all when there are so many others out there who are worse off than I am. I told you this entry was going to be rough, and I'm trying to count my blessings instead of focusing on what is wrong.

(Where have I heard that before? Oh yeah - it was our pastor's sermon last weekend.)

Sorry about being a gloomy Gus tonight, folks - just keepin' it real.

And, like everything else we go through, I just have to believe that this, too, shall pass.

Ferris Beuller'sMelissa Turner's Day Off

I think I need a day off from my day off.

What did I accomplish today? Not what I'd hoped, but:

* Took out the trash. That might not seem like much, but Jason usually takes it to the curb on Monday nights. And last night we were in bed, and he said, "Oh, I forgot to put out the trash." And I said, "Don't worry. I'll do it." And then he said, "But what if you don't get up in time?" And then I said, "Don't worry. They don't come until around lunch."

Guess what time I heard the garbage truck? 8:30 a.m. I had to scramble to find a pair of flip flops, and run out to meet the truck. Just in time!

* Washed the curtains from two rooms, and dusted those rooms. And felt embarrassed at how long it had been since I'd done either of those things. Unfortunately, "dusting" in the bathroom is always more time consuming, because the moisture in there binds with the dust to make an impenetrable gunk that requires much elbow grease.

* Cleaned out Anna Marie's room, to include sorting through three drawers, a clothes basket, and another basket full of stuff to be put away. I also hung a shelf in there to display some of her stuff, and rearranged some of the furniture.

* Found some black and white photos that I never knew we'd taken, and arranged them into a frame we already had (which I spraypainted to match my current decor, using spraypaint I already had) with a matte from another, broken frame. I then hung the resultant collage in my living room, in a space that was empty and bugging me greatly.

I really, really have gotten a lot accomplished today, but you wouldn't know it to walk into my house because it was all in Anna Marie's room and the bathroom. I'm sure Jason wondered just what I'd been doing all day when he first walked in and found me, still in my jammies, watching TV on our bed.

(Oh, I also made homemade applesauce with some apples which Anna Marie had dropped and bruised yesterday, and ordered 50 prints from Snapfish for the sum of $0.30 plus shipping.)

I'm so exhausted (and I should've worn my tennis shoes, because I was barefoot all day and my feet are KILLING me now) and now I have two days worth of work to catch up on when I get to the office. I would've liked to have gotten some scrapbooking done - or, heck, some DVR caught up on - but the look on Anna Marie's face when she came in tonight and saw her room made it all worth while.

She immediately promised to keep her room clean "forever," but we'll see how long that lasts!

Caveat emptor.

In other words, "Buyer beware."

Also known as, "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is."

(Before I go further, did you know that in the book Gone with the Wind Scarlett opens up a store, and calls it "Caveat Emptoreum" or something like that, because she likes the sound, but doesn't really know what it means? I don't remember if that's in the movie or not, but if my BFF Marcia wasn't probably in bed right now I'd call and ask because she used to watch that movie at least once a month.)

(But I digress.)

So, last night Jason decided that today would be the day for Anna Marie's birthday celebration at the aforementioned Cedar Hill Farms. After some finagling and making sure that Amanda could make cupcakes on such short notice, we agreed to meet there about 2 p.m.

I thought there would be picnic tables nearby, but I couldn't find any, so we popped open the back of the Amazing Technicolor Dream Van (funny story coming later on that), unpacked a table which happened to be back there, and had a picnic right there in the parking lot.

After she opened presents, we prepared to enter the farm proper.

Unfortunately (especially for a "word person" like me) the tickets were not as clear-cut as one might expect from a door-to-door salesman.

The ladies at the admission told me that those tickets were only for the "night time" attractions, and that they didn't start until next weekend.

Wait. What?

After some discussion, it was clear that we were not getting in to Cedar Hill Farms on my hey-look-at-me-I-got-a-great-deal tickets.

Was I disappointed? Sure I was. But I managed to keep my cool, and think on my feet, and lots of other cliches.

I remembered that Anna Marie's favorite park in the whole wide world was just a couple miles up the road, and that there was plenty of shade there, and that she (and my new niece, Macy) would be more than happy to play there.

So that's what we did. My brother and I sat on a bench and watched the kids play, while the others stood around and talked or wandered around taking pictures. And, for the record, I have a few pictures too, but my camera is in the living room, and I'm in bed, and well, I just didn't feel like getting up to get the camera. You'll just have to wait.

Remember, patience is a virtue.

I promised Anna Marie that we'd go back in the evening in a week or so, and reminded her that if she knew anything at all about me she knew that I was NOT about to let $30 in tickets go to waste.

Oh, and the funny story - Anna Marie had spent the night with mom last night, and we planned a trip to the kitchen supply store in Memphis for this morning. We took the van, mainly because it had gas in it, and it's a good thing we did - because when we were in the parking lot at the park, there were no spaces. (Funny how a family reunion and two birthday parties will do that.) Another car figured this out, and tried to back out of the parking lot.

Which resulted in their backing into the side of our van, despite Jason's vehement protest on the horn.

The driver got out, as did Jason, and offered his insurance information. When Jason looked at the "damage," he realized that there was just a bit of paint transfer from the other car and told the other driver he wasn't worried about it.

"Are you sure?" the guy said.

At which point Jason simply pointed to the Amazing Technicolor-ness of our van.

Guess he thought that white paint was just one more for the collection.

After the problem at the farm, that little exchange was just what we needed to lighten the mood.

Dude just better be glad we weren't in my car, because it's all one color and he wouldn't have gotten off so easily.

Never put off until Monday

What you should be doing all weekend.

I've got to quit letting this blogging thing get behind - both my reading others, and my posting - because then it ends up taking more time than I have to spend.

Not that you guys aren't totally worth it. I'm just sayin'.

So, here's a bit of randomness from my weekend.

* It's official. My coffee maker's built-in grinder is finished. I do have some ground coffee (mocha - yum!) but I also have a box of beans that must not go to waste! Since I can't afford either a coffee grinder, or a whole new set up, right now, I'll have to get creative. Like, borrowing the coffee grinder which sits in our kitchen at work and grinding all the beans at once.

Not the best solution, but the only one I can think of that won't cost several days' wages.

I do intend to save up for another all-in-one unit, though, because I like the convenience of putting the beans in when I load up the machine the night before and having the whole operation running when I get up.

* Speaking of getting up, I'm afraid that if I want to work exercise into my morning - and it clearly isn't working to work it in at night - I'm going to have to rise another half hour early during the week.

5:30 a.m., here I come.

* Between Jason (accidentally) hitting me in the nose with the cabinet door on Saturday night, and Anna Marie (accidentally) hitting me in the nose with her fist tonight when I was trying to help her get settled down in bed, I'll soon be in need of a new nose to go along with my new coffee maker.

If I didn't develop a bruise from Saturday's altercation, a nice one should show up from tonight. And now I'm also developing a headache from the blow.

* I could really use a few prayers/good vibes right now, because I've got two big projects - our football special edition, and our magazine - that have to be finished in the next two weeks. And early deadlines next week because of the holiday. And my normal work. Oh, yeah, and after that, a probable murder trial. So, yeah, I'm just a wee bit stressed right now. Breaking down in tears (when coupling these factors with some other current stressful situations, none of which I have any power to change right now) is not an uncommon occurrance in my life right now.

Hopefully, tomorrow I'll be able to slip away at lunch and attend my book club meeting, which I haven't been able to do in a couple of months because of prior commitments.

Hope everyone else is having a better day than I am!

HAHAHAHAHA

Get ready for your daily dose of laughter, at my expense!

Sigh.

So, I'm a real coupon fiend, if you didn't know. Anna Marie thinks I'm obsessed with getting every coupon I can, and that's partly true - and I've tried to explain to her that it's part of my job in this family, to try to help be a good steward of the resources which God has blessed us with.

And a few months ago, I joined The Grocery Game, and my grocery bill averages $20-$30 per week.

I'm not kidding!

(And if, in spite of what I'm about to tell you about my foolishness, you decide to join, please use me as a reference! If enough of you do, I get, I don't know, a free month or something.)

So Kroger has been having this deal, that if you buy 10 of the items on their list, you automatically get $5 off your bill. The stuff is already on sale, and Sunday's paper had a BUNCH of coupons for the stuff that was on sale!

I had my game plan on Sunday, when we do our normal shopping (on the way home from church, so as to not use extra gas.)

(Remember the part about the gas. It's important later.)

I picked out the stuff on my list, went to the register, and used my coupons. And on the way out of the store, Jason said, "Weren't they supposed to take $5 off the bill?" And I said, "I thought they did." And we looked at the receipt, and they had not. So, I double checked the receipt against the list of eligible products, and guess what - I'd only bought 8 of the things, not 10!

(The four boxes of Pop Tarts I'd scored, which ended up costing just $1.50 each, were apparently not eligible.)

Oh, I was upset, again, at having spent $5 more than I'd planned. But, I had a Plan B! Included in that coupon insert was a rebate form - if you bought 10 things on that list, you could get a $10 rebate!

I was so excited, thinking I could get my money back, plus some! Enter the "Fine Print" - the items must be purchased after August 5.

The date, on that day, was August 3.

Dang it!

Well, I got up this morning with a plan.

It was my last day of being in the house by myself in the morning, because Anna Marie would be with mom going to the auction, and school starts this week so that scenario will end. And today was also the last day of the sale, and I had enough coupons left over from that insert to buy different stuff and get not only the good deals, but, with the rebate, they'd be FREE!

So, this morning before work, I drove to the nearest Kroger, 12 miles away.

Remember what I said about "no extra gas?" I figure that part of my day has cost me about $3.50, right off the bat, for gas.

I run through the store, getting not only my carefully-counted-out 10 items, but also a couple of other really good deals. And I check out. And they take the $5 off! And I use my coupons! And I get the following things for $14.95, including tax:

• Four boxes of cereal
• Two boxes of cereal straws
• Two packages of cookies
• A box of drink pouches (for Anna Marie's lunchbox)
• A big honkin' thing of ketchup
• A package of lunch meat
• A package of burrito-size tortillas

All in all, not bad for less than $15, and I thought I was getting $10 back, so I'd only be paying $5.

But - as I was checking out, I realized that while I had met the requirements for getting $5 off, two of the things I'd bought were not on the rebate list.

Just like I'd missed the discount by two items on Sunday, I missed the rebate by two items this morning.

And I'd spent extra gas money.

And now I'm going to have to tell this whole story to Jason when he gets home.

And when you're done laughing, and wiping the tears from your eyes, you can take this as a lesson - about the best laid plans of mice, men, and moms.

On gaining information that has no use whatsoever

I love my little hairdresser.

Really, I do.

And I call her "little," because, well, she is a smallish person, but also because I've known her since she was knee-high to a duck's tail. And because she's several years younger than I am. And because, though she's about to celebrate her third wedding anniversary, I doubt I'll ever really think of her as an "adult," in much the same way that my siblings will probably always be "kids" in my eyes.

Oh, but she's great. She does a fantastic job on both my hair and Anna Marie's, and I'm such a doofus that never makes appointments six whole weeks in advance and she always squeezes me in when I call at the last minute.

But really, did she have to inform me that I had some "gray highlights" when I got my hair cut today?

"Gray highlights."

GRAY HIGHLIGHTS!

And she said it in the nicest possible way - kind of like, "Aw, you've got gray highlights!"

Like they're cute or something.

People, I'm about to turn 32 in less than three weeks.

That moves me slowly through the "early 30s" territory and has me staring down the loaded end of "mid-30s."

Mid.

30s.

Before you know it, I'll be in my "late 30s" and then my "early 40s" and then, well, it's anyone's guess what happens after that.

Gray.

Highlights.

Looks like me and Miss Clarol are about to become real chummy.

Weekend recap

Well, hello there, Blogland!

I guess you're wondering how I'm typing this, if my husband absconded with not only our offspring but also both computers?

Well, my mother has a laptop that she literally never uses. And Jason suggested that I borrow it for the week. So yesterday, she brought it over.

Except, I can't get the wireless to hook up with my router, so I'm stuck in the office, tethered to an ethernet cable.

And, I can't get the thing to find my printer, so I had to end up going to my office this morning anyway before church to print off my grocery list.

But anyway.

How am I surviving without the two red heads here? Quite well, in my estimation.

(Just don't let me catch a commercial for a romantic comedy, or a Nickelodeon show.)

Things I did yesterday:

* Watched four movies. I Am Legend, Thank You for Smoking, and ET - for the first time! Oh, and also Walk the Line. I loved Reese Witherspoon in that role!

* Ate popcorn in bed at 8:30 a.m. while watching movies.

Things I did not do yesterday:

* Change out of my PJs.

* Housework.

* Venture further than the mailbox.

* Exercise.

This is the one day a year I get to myself, and doggone it, I'm not wasting a minute doing anything responsible!

Today, though, was a different story. I had to go to church, and the grocery store. While I was here this afternoon, I also cleaned the bathroom. Luckily, it's small and didn't need much more than a wipedown and a mop, but still. Housework.

My usual scrapbookpalooza has also fallen by the wayside, because Jason also skipped town with my scrapbook table! It's hard to get into the swing of things when you have to move your paper and stuff around, but a lady in my Sunday School class is a Creative Memories consultant, and we were talking about scrapbooking this morning, so I did get a couple of pages done in her kindergarten book.

I'm about to wash my face and climb back onto my bed to watch more TV! Can you believe it? I think my brain is going to turn to mush before this weekend is over.

Maybe I should be thankful that I have to return to work tomorrow - before every muscle in my body completely atrophies.

I told you it pours.

Right now, it's raining once again. And I'm loving it. And I'm thankful.

I'm thankful that my husband put a screen in the place of the glass in the front door, so I can hear that beautiful sound.

I'm thankful that my husband came home from Memphis today, and just bit the bullet and bought me a new battery. And installed it. And now I don't have to worry about my car not starting while he and the rest of my family is 45 minutes away in Memphis tomorrow.

I'm thankful that, barring more rain, I have the resources to get a new windsheild put in my car tomorrow. And that I had the good sense to call and get a couple of estimates, so that I could make the best use of those resources.

I'm thankful that, even in the midst of turmoil, God can send a rain so peaceful that it washes all your cares away.

I'm thankful. And I pray that God helps me to remain that way.

Can we talk about karma for a minute?

Surely, you are all familiar with the concept.

If you aren't just watch a few episodes of My Name is Earl. I'll be waiting here while you get up to speed.

Back? Good.

This, my friends, is a story about karma. It's a story about what happens when you go to get water from your office water cooler, only to discover that the bottle is empty. And you then proceed to ignore the empty bottle, hoping that someone with a bit more upper body strength will notice the lack of water and change the bottle.

You know what happens when you act like you never saw the empty bottle?

You go back for water the next day, and it's still empty. And you're wearing a white shirt, which is bad, because those ridiculously heavy jugs are sitting on the nasty, nasty floor.

And, despite your best efforts, not only do you get some of that funk on your clothes, you also manage to splash water all over the back wall of the breakroom, and some on yourself.

And you're really glad there aren't any cameras back there, because then someone would see you trying to lift one leg up to perch on the nearby shelf, so that you can rest that dirty, heavy, splashing jug on your knee and get a better grip. And they would see that your legs are just too dang short, and won't reach the shelf, and that you have to wait for at least 1/3 of the water to splash into the cooler before that bottle is light enough for you to hoist in the hole.

And what is your reward for all that hard work? Room temperature water, because the reservoir was empty and there hasn't been any water in there getting cold.

Because you didn't refill the cooler yesterday, when you first noticed it was empty.

That, my friends, is karma.

Exhaustion

You know how those "celebrities" are always being hospitalized for "exhaustion?"

(And I use those two terms very loosely, btw.)

Not that I (one of The Uninsured) wish to be hospitalized, but you know, a day off would be nice! Or, at the least, a full night's sleep.

I'm having a hard time even typing this, because I've gotten about 10 hours sleep in the last two days and my hands are shaking!

Yesterday, I woke up at 2:45 a.m. and it took me over two hours to get back to sleep. When I finally did, it was nearly 10 before I woke back up. You'd think that would be enough to cure this problem, but I think the sleep deprivation is becoming cumulative.

After I did wake up, we went over to my mom's house and - oh my gracious, I can't believe this still - we drove to Oxford (45 minutes away) and bought two kiosks.

Oh, yes we did. The kind you see in the mall, with the wheels on the bottom and the canopies on top. Literally that kind, because they came from a mall that's shutting down for renovations.

And I'll say it again - oh, yes we did.

They're for the catering company, because it looks as if Peasnap's will officially be taking over operations of the auction kitchen come July.

(Previously, the auction bought all the food and gave us a set amount every week to provide labor, and Jason gave them everything out of the cash register. Now, it'll be all on us - buying the food, setting the prices, and making payroll.)

And let me just say - I'm pretty terrified at the prospect.

Even though in the last three days I've twice heard the "be anxious for nothing" scripture, still, I'm the only one in this family-run business with a non-auction paycheck, and I don't like uncertainty!

So now, we (the catering company, I mean) are the proud owners of two mall kiosks. The fun part will be figuring out how to get them back up here, and where to store them once we get them.

(I can't remember whose idea it was to buy the things, but I'd be willing to bet it was my mother. This is a lady who has paid for a storage room for the past two years to basically store yard sale stuff. It just sounds like something she'd do.)

They're destined for the auction bay, where we'll use them to sell hot dogs to the dealers so they won't have to leave the lanes to eat. There used to be an actual concession stand in the bay, but one of the former managers took it out, for reasons apparently known only to him.

Maybe this whole auction thing will work out better - there is a chance that Jason could open the cafeteria on non-sale days and increase food sales somewhat. With gas pushing $3.50 a gallon, though, it would have to be pretty substantial to warrant the 20 mile trip in my estimation.

And now, gentle readers, my stomach is growling. I've had my two cups of coffee, and now I have to figure out what to eat for breakfast since I'm out of my old standby nonfat yogurt with berries.

Because the day has just begun, and already I'm exhausted.

I don't want to talk about last night.

I don't want to talk about how I had to work until 9 p.m., and the internet on my new phone wasn't working so I couldn't check the score while irate parents argued with school district officials about a new building for their farm education program.

(Yes, we have that here. Doesn't every school?)

I don't want to talk about how elated I was when I got to the parking lot and one of the other folks leaving the meeting called a family member to get the score, and that score was tied.

Tied!

I don't want to talk about how I got in bed and (because Jason opted to sleep on the couch and not keep me up with his inability to sleep) kept changing the channel back and forth because I was too nervous to just sit and watch the game already.

I don't want to talk about that last second, when I happened to be watching and it looked like we were going to win, and someone from The Other Team sunk a three-point shot just as the buzzer sounded to tie the game and send it into overtime.

(Especially since something eerily similar happened during a Grizzlies playoff game a couple years ago, involving a player from a state where everything is bigger, including players whose name just happens to rhyme with "Jerk.")

And I really, really don't want to talk about how I kept turning off the TV, only to lie in bed for a few more minutes and, unable to sleep turn it back on - just to see that they were talking to a coach, and it wasn't Coach Cal, and those guys wearing the championship caps didn't look thuggish enough to be from our team.

Like I said, I really don't want to talk about it.

I must say it was a good day

With apologies to Ice Cube, of course. Especially since I really didn't have to use my AK.

Ever have one of those days that when you wake up, you have no idea what the day holds?

Such was my Saturday.

It started out VERY good, as I slept until 10 a.m. That's a very good start to any day that I don't have somewhere scheduled to be! Anna Marie was at mom's which is a pity for mom, because my little red head didn't afford her the same luxury. Her internal clock still woke her up at the appointed time to get to school - pre-7 a.m.

That's what grandparents are there for, folks. Taking the lumps to give us a break.

Anyway - I skipped the coffee, since at 10 a.m. I wasn't really struggling to get moving, but I was just sitting down to my yogurt and strawberries when the phone rang. It was my mom, saying they were going to the next county over to a free museum, and they really wanted us to come.

Now, Jason was already dressed, but I had to take a shower. I asked her to give me 20 minutes. I ate my breakfast while I gathered my things, and I was ready before they got here.

Tunica was quaint. Well, the parts that haven't been overtaken by the casinos, that is. We ate at a diner that used to be a gas station. I had a vegetable plate - you know, three sides. This, while I watched the rest of my family scarf down hamburgers and onion rings.

Sigh.

After the museum, we came back home. Did I tell you that Jason has been waiting with bated breath to upgrade our cell phones? I'd be surprised if I didn't, because that's mostly all he's been talking about for weeks now. Our upgrade date was supposed to be today (Sunday), but when we got home yesterday he got on the ole WWW to check.

It had been moved up. We grabbed the kid and ran to the next county, since down here they were out of these:



(I got the red one!)

Walmart had a deal to get them for $48 each. Now, you may wonder what in the world I'm doing with a smartphone. I'm wondering that myself. But it has a qwerty keyboard, so it should make my texting habit that much more bearable.

Except, the Walmart we went to didn't have them. So we drove another 15 miles and found one that did. (Except - no red ones! Boo!) But guess what - no SIM cards! How do you send a store a bunch of phones and only a handful of the cards that make them work? The nice girl at the counter advised us to go to the ATT store nearby and buy the cards (at $26 a pop?) and come back to buy the phones from her.

Hmph.

But never fear - when we got to the store, my courageous husband convinced a nice young man named Tremaine to price match Walmart's price! So we got the phones for half of what the store wanted! And we didn't have to buy the SIM cards! Which saved us another $50!

The atmosphere in the store was one of great unity, because - the clerks were all wearing the colors of the University of Memphis. Go Tigers Go! (That's the name of their fight song, for those of you who didn't grow up in the Mid South.) We were in the store during the game, and one of the managers kept checking the score on his iPhone. Man, were we all ever excited!

But not nearly as excited as when I checked the score later, and found out they'd won! Who'd have thought a bunch of thugs (because really, most of these guys have rap sheets) from little ole' Memphis could get this far?

No offense to any Kansas fans out there, but we're going to win tomorrow night. I'm just sayin'.

Oh, and did I mention that I went to the grocery store, and thanks to some coupons from my mom and some help from my new best friend, The Grocery Game, saved 64% on my bill?

That, my friends, makes it a really, REALLY good day.

To sum up: sleeping in, museum, Blackjack II, big grocery savings, and Memphis in the finals.

Yep. And I don't even need to see a blimp scrolling the words "Melissa's a pimp."

Rain, rain, go away!

Come again another day,

Little Lissa wants to play!

(Or at least go outside without having to dodge raindrops!)

In a couple of months, we'll all be praying for rain, but really, surely God knows it isn't doing us any good all at one time!

It seems like its been raining forever - in fact, yesterday afternoon the sun came out for a short while and the brightness was blinding. I just had to go outside for a few minutes and bask - bask - in the sunshine.

And then it was gone.

And now, we're back to the thunderstorms.

Anna Marie is going on a field trip today to see Horton Hears a Who (Yeah, wish they'd told me that BEFORE I spent the money to take her, but, whatever.) They were supposed to go to her favorite park in the whole wide world afterwards and have a picnic, but it's just too darn wet! So it looks like the classes will be eating their sack lunches in the classrooms.

I know April showers are supposed to bring May flowers, but at this rate, we'll be living in a tropical rainforest soon.

Sigh.

Rain, rain, go away . . .

Stupidity.

You know what I think is stupid?

Something that's been bugging me for a week now.

I think it's stupid when a business owner, whose business involves housing people, thinks he should be allowed to continue to house those people in a sub-standard way because that's how he's always done it.

I'm obviously not talking about my landlady - she's Da Bomb. (Do folks even say that anymore? I guess in blogspeak she'd be Teh Awsim. But I digress.)

I'm talking about someone here in town, who owns three - count 'em, three - trailer parks. And now, the city has told him (and everyone else that the rules apply to) that he either has to bring the homes therein that were made before 1977 up to federal (did you hear that? FEDERAL) safety standards or move them out.

He's literally made a federal case out of this. He's suing the city.

Now, never mind that our state does not allow these trailers to be brought in any more. And never mind that our county won't allow them to be brought in from another state, or even another county within our state.

He thinks he should be able to house people in these sub-standard, patently dangerous places.

His suit is one of the more ridiculous pieces of legal rambling I've seen - and I've seen some doozies in my time here.

(Your client got mad because he's arrested for getting drunk and peeing on the side of a police station? And then you let the client, who has no driver's license because of repeated DUI, take your fancy German automobile around town to wash it, but he ends up in his neighborhood showing it off, and the cops pick him up because they know it isn't his, and that he doesn't have a license, and your fancy German automobile gets impounded? Let's sue!)

He accuses the mayor of having a bone to pick with him. Of trying to run him out of business! Our mayor happens to be an extremely nice person, with three cute kids (that he sends to public schools, when he could clearly afford private) and the most gorgeous small-town-mayor's wife you've ever seen. All precious, all five of them.

No vendettas to be found.

(Never mind that the state fire marshall started this whole movement, what with those places having aluminum wiring - who ever thought THAT was a good idea - and tiny windows that not even children can get out of in case of a fire.)

(And, never mind that the city has torn down nearly a dozen other sub-standard structures in the past year because they didn't meet codes.)

(And, never mind that the more of these sub-standard places there are in the city, the lower our fire rating will be and the higher our insurance will be?)

How, you might ask, did this idiot get to file a federal lawsuit in this case? Why, by naming not only his business enterprise, but four of his residents, as plaintiffs. And claiming that their civil rights were being denied.

And that their Fifth and Fourteenth Amendment rights were being denied, because they had to find another place to live.

Now, I have nothing against mobile homes. I've spend roughly a third of my life living in them. My parents currently live in a fairly-new double-wide that's nearly twice as big as my house. But I do have something against taking advantage of the less-fortunate.

Would it inconvenience these folks to have to find somewhere else to live? Probably. I'd be inconvenienced if it were me. But look at the bigger picture, as one of our aldermen did when the ordinance was passed:

Better inconvenienced today, then dead tomorrow.

Tell me I'm crazy.

Go ahead. Tell me I've completely lost my mind.

Oh, wait, let me explain a little. Then you can tell me that.

Yesterday, in the midst of all my turmoil about the church, I got a phone call straight out of the blue.


And also, straight out of Chicago.

It was a recruiter, who, for some reason, was recruiting for a newspaper in the county just north of here.

He wanted to know if I'd be interested in interviewing for a job as a managing editor. Mainly the same work I'm doing now, plus a supervisory role, and more money.

Yeah. More money.

The commute wouldn't be bad - 20 minutes, give or take. They publish three times a week.

Oh, was I ever in a tizzy when I got off the phone with that man. I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. I just tried to stay quiet until it was time to go pick Anna Marie up from choir practice.

Amanda said I should go for it. Jason said I should go for it. Mom told me to pray about it.

So I did. I told God last night that I wasn't going to try to reason this out, wasn't trying to get together a pros/cons list. I was going to wait on Him.

This morning, I started thinking about it again. I'd told the recruiter I'd call him today if I was interested. I knew I had to make a decision, quickly.

I started thinking about Anna Marie. Really, really thinking about her. I started thinking that if I were 20 minutes away, that would probably keep me from being able to scoot over to the school when there were special events. It would complicate matters on the days I have to pick her up from school because Jason is in Memphis. It would remove me from a community that I've really come to enjoy.

And while the community where the other paper is located is growing by leaps and bounds - it's the seventh fastest-growing area in the country - we're just starting to grow. (In fact, we got word today that a Japanese automotive parts manufacturing company is going to locate here! Hooray!)

The things that frustrate me about my current job - most of them - wouldn't be gone just because I was at another paper. They're kind of part and parcel of the newspaper business.

This morning, I realized that all the money in the world wouldn't be worth it if it kept me from being involved in my child's life. I realized that she is the most important thing in my life right now. She is my top priority.

Where else could I work that would let me bring her to the office when she's out of school? Where my co-workers go pick her up from school when I can't?

I'm not saying the folks at the other paper aren't nice, or that they wouldn't care about me or my family. But, as a larger organization in another county, it wouldn't be the same.

Would it be a nice promotion? Probably. Would it be the next natural progression of my career? Definitely. But I'm not trying to climb the corporate ladder. Those aren't my goals. Anna Marie is only a child for a short time, and there will be time enough for "advancing my career" when she's older.

If we couldn't put food on the table, it would be a different story. But we can. And you know the odd thing was, after I looked at it from that perspective - that the things the money would add to my life wouldn't offset what the position would take away - suddenly I had peace.

I understand if you don't agree with me. I know not everyone will. To quote Amanda this morning, "Melissa, I'm going to beat you."

So, now that you know the story, go ahead.



Tell me I'm crazy.