Goodbye, Ole Blue

This week, I had to do the unthinkable.

I had to retire Ole Blue, the can opener I'd had since I was a freshman in college.

It was a good run we had, Ole Blue and me. When I was a freshman in college, some 15 (!) years ago, I had a pretty crappy can opener. I don't know exactly how it happened, but one day I went to my Post Office Box and found Ole Blue waiting in a padded envelope.



(Why yes, those are granite countertops. Of course they are. It's a special, rare blonde granite.)

It was a gift from my dad's friend Steve, who has been subjecting himself to the abuse of hanging out with our family since I was about five years old. Actually, he still does on a regular basis, even down to working for Jason and mom in the catering company.

At any rate, Old Blue came into my life and spoiled me. He has opened countless cans of soup, Chef-Boy-Ar-Dee ravioli, and other canned goods. When we got married, we didn't get a new can opener - I brought Ole Blue with me.

Ole Blue opened up lots of cans of soup that first year. And most of it wasn't even name brand.

Over the past few months, though, I noticed Ole Blue just wasn't the same. I was having to go back over the same spot more than once to get it to open. And then last week, I had several cans to open for dinner. No matter how many times I went over those spots, they just would not open.

Panicked, I used one of my old knives to finish the job. I cannot guarantee that my family did not enjoy some delicious metal shavings with their whole kernel corn.

That did it. I had to put Ole Blue down.

I went to Walmart the next morning, because we were having Manwich for lunch and needed a reliable can opener. I picked up this one, which I guess I'll name "New Black:"



It's not the same. I loved Ole Blue, and I don't know if they even make them like that any more. After having this design, I can't STAND those puny little can openers - you know the ones I mean - that take the strength of several large men to open one can.

But, I figured that for $2.97, New Black was a good stopgap measure. If I don't absolutely love it, I've only wasted three bucks, and it gives me time to figure out my next can opener move.

I'd pay a pretty penny for another opener I liked as well as Ole Blue, that I wouldn't have to replace for another 15 years.

Show me yours, and I'll show you mine

Lots of my Facebook friends have been posting pictures of their little ones on the first day of school (today for most of them, who live in the next county). And it reminded me - I went to all the trouble of taking this:



(and believe me, it was a lot of trouble!) and I didn't even post it!

Shame on me! No post on my birthday, and no first-day-of-school post!

I have truly fallen down on the job.

She started on Thursday, and so far, so good. In her words, half of her her first grade class is in her second grade. The teacher seems very nice, and I'm hoping that she stays as excited as she is now for the rest of the year.

Of course, they haven't gotten into any "real" work yet, but I'm believing this year is going to be much better than last. She did make it into the gifted program, and I think the extra challenge will help her with her, ahem, talking problem.

Not only have I fallen down in the "mommy blogger" category, I've fallen down in the "bloggy friend" category. But, just like I made a fresh start today with my eating (you'd think I'd been on a cruise for the past few days, the way I've been shoveling it in) I'm making a fresh start in the bloggy friend category.

Be forewarned: you're going to be seeing more of me around the blogosphere. You're welcome.

For those of you who haven't started school yet, I guess you're the lucky ones. Lord knows it'd be easier to go a couple of weeks in June, instead of sweating it out during the hottest part of the summer!

Dear Elvis, et al:

(An open letter to the King of Rock and Roll, not to be confused with the "King" of "Pop.")

Thank you for inventing peanut butter and banana sandwiches, or at least making them so well known that my parents were exposed to them while growing up in Memphis and could then, in turn, feed them to me.

They, like you, are excellent.

•••

Dear Sara Lee,

Thank you for making bread that is low in calories, high in fiber, and doesn't taste like stink. It's real helpful when I'm craving a peanut butter and banana sandwich.

•••

Dear Skippy,

Thank you for making super-chunky peanut butter. Did you know it tastes really good with banana? You should totally try it sometime.

Keep up the good work!

•••

Dear God,

Thank you for making bananas, and for inspiring, um, someone (let's see - looks like it was George Bayle) to make peanut butter, and for inspiring someone else to put those two tasty, tasty foods together. I think it's one of the best things you did, besides, maybe, sending Jesus down here to die for me.

…

(Can anyone guess what I'm craving right now?)