On being proactive

Y'all, I have a confession to make.

I have a tendency to be reactive, not proactive.

Scratch that. I have a tendency to be procrastinative (is that even a word? I guess not, since spell check is going haywire over it). Basically, I procrastinate like crazy, which I learned a couple of years ago is a manifestation of my worry problem.

Except for a few instances (like when I started Weight Watchers nearly three years ago) I don't do something about a problem I see. I just wallow in it, and worry about it, and never get much accomplished with it.

But in the last few days, I've been taught a little something about being proactive.

I have a friend, we'll call her "M." (This is an actual friend, not like "a friend of mine would like to know blah, blah, blah," wherein the friend is actually me, thinly veiled.)

Anyway - in the last few days, M has been telling me about some things she's not satisfied with in her life. But instead of just complaining about it, she's doing something about it.

She feels like she needs to lose a few pounds, so she got out the exercise bike and treadmill, and started watching her portions, and she's lost some of it. Her present employment situation is becoming unacceptable, for a myriad of reasons, so she's working on her resume.

And I am so proud of her - and so ashamed of myself.

Because there are some things in my life which I need to accomplish, but my worry causes me to procrastinate and continue to suffer on.

But M has inspired me. Instead of just worrying that I didn't have enough time to get Jason and Anna Marie ready to go out of town, I got a head start on the packing and laundry this morning. On Wednesdays, I have a staff meeting where I have to tell my publisher what I'm putting on the front page next week. Instead of waiting until the last minute (about 20 minutes before the meeting) to get my list together, I've already started on it and begun organizing my information.

Instead of being disappointed that my husband took me out for an early anniversary date last night, and treated a special year - our 10th - just like almost every other date we've ever had (dinner at Chili's, a trip to an electronics store, a trip to Walmart, and home) I'm going to find a - nice - way to tell him that when he gets back from his trip, I'm going to have a proper celebration planned.

(Because really, as much as I'd like to believe that my husband is going to plan something special, let's face it, he isn't. I've had that illusion since 1995, and it has happened about once. And that involved him surprising me by flying to Memphis on my 21st birthday to present me with an engagement ring. And he didn't have any plan beyond booking the flight, and just gave me the ring in the parking lot of the mall I had taken him to. So I gave it back to him and drove to a park, and made him get on one knee. Because did you know how he originally asked me to marry him? Over the phone, when we were in our dorms, and he said he had been wondering what I'd say if he asked me to marry him.)

(Seriously.)

(No, I'm not bitter. Not at all.)

So, that's the new me - proactive. It won't happen overnight. Old habits are hard to break. But, with the help of the good Lord, I'm going to start taking charge of more things in my life.

(Really. Not bitter at all.)