The countdown begins

Three weeks and counting.

Three weeks until Anna Marie starts school.

I think it's finally hitting me.

I don't know why this is such a big deal for me. It isn't like I'm with her 24/7 (like I was the first year of her life). I get up and leave her for 8 or more hours per day.

Granted, most days I see her for lunch, so it's just a couple of four-hour stints. But still.

Mom says it's because now, I know pretty much how her day goes. She's either with Jason or Ms. Kim the babysitter. I know who she's around, and I know (basically) what she's doing.

In three weeks, that won't be the case. Oh, sure, I'll know where she is - over at the elementary school. And after the first day of school, I'll know who her teacher is (I know most of the kindergarten teachers already, along with the principal and the school secretary, and several other staff members). But I won't know what kinds of situations she's being faced with, and I won't know (until later at least) what her reactions to those situations will be.

Make sense? Kind of? No?

For instance - if she is at the babysitter's house, and Dayton (the sitter's five year old son) is mean to her, I know she can tell his mom and he'll be punished. It won't be that cut-and-dried at school, and there will be more kids for her to deal with at once.

I lay in bed last night, worrying what to pack in her lunch on the first day. Seriously. I would probably be worrying much more about her clothes, but mom bought her an outfit last week. And call me a bad mom, but I'm not investing much in new school clothes right now. It's still hot as blazes, so it doesn't make sense to buy a bunch of pants and sweaters. And it doesn't make sense to buy a bunch of shorts (what's left in the stores, anyway) because in a few weeks it'll be pants weather. So she'll be wearing the same clothes she's been wearing this summer - except for the shorty shorts, because I really don't think those are school appropriate.

And the other thing that's got me up nights - on the first day of school, where am I going to park to take her in the building? There really isn't much parking at all, and I know I'm not the only mom who'll be escorting their little one in that morning.

I'm thinking about parking around the corner at a church and walking across the street. I know she might not like it, but I don't see much alternative.

On the other hand, we will have lots of school supplies to carry. Oh my goodness - that list is ridiculous. Dry erase markers? Really? Like she's going to be the one using those? I think not.

Jason actually doesn't want to buy them, but I refuse to send my kid to school on the first day without everything on that list. Every.last.thing.

(That's a self-esteem thing, because as a kid we always struggled to buy our school supplies and I don't want others to think I didn't buy the markers because I couldn't afford them. Yes, I have issues.)

Here's another thing compounding her first day - it's the first Tuesday, which means I have a meeting at 5:00 p.m. It's also election day here in the county, so as soon as I get her tucked into bed I'll have to go to the courthouse and wait for primary results.

And! And! I got a call from the babysitter last week, saying that she was taking a full-time job after the kids (Dayton is her youngest) start school, so she won't be able to get Anna Marie on auction days. I don't know what she's going to do with Dayton (probably leave him at home with his 12-year-old sister), but now I have to come up with alternative childcare plans for one or two days a week.

It's all too much to digest. The school-starting, the parking, the lunch, the alternative childcare - just too much.

Somebody give me some sleeping pills and wake me in about a month.

After the first day of school.