Monday, September 24, 2007

The Amazing Disappearing Coke Zero

It has long been told on this blog of my devotion to Coke Zero.

Given a choice, it's always what I choose.

And now, in addition to its magical Coke Classic-like taste properties, it has added another skill to its resume.

It disappears.

Amazing, yet true.

In the words of one of my cousins, "This is what had happened."

After dropping Anna Marie off at school this morning, I ran to Walmart.

And whilst at Walmart, I bought a six-pack of half liter bottles of Coke Zero.

Because frankly, I'm tired of walking across the street to the Shell station every time I get a craving for one. And paying about a buck fifty.

And besides, they've been having a Coke Zero shortage over there of late, and one day last week I trekked across Main Street hoping for some faux-Coke goodness, only to leave, defeated, with a Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper.


So, you can easily see my need for the six pack - I'm keeping it in the fridge at work.

Ours is a pretty safe fridge, as work fridges go. I've been working at the paper for nearly five years, and I have yet to see the day when someone steals my food.

I guess we journalists are just civilized that way.

Anyway, I put them in the chill chest the first thing when I got to work this morning.

This afternoon, I went to the kitchen for some water from the water cooler. I don't know why, but I opened the fridge.

(The only food I had in there was the cokes, but I guess it's like when you're at home, and you're hungry, and you keep opening the fridge or the cabinet, hoping that somehow, magically, something new will appear in there this time.)

And what to my wondering eyes should appear?

An empty spot where one of the drinks should be.

It's been driving me batty all day.

At first I thought maybe it was Jason. I'd told him over lunch that I'd bought the drinks, and I thought that he had been out-and-about, and had come in while I was in the restroom, and taken one of my drinks.


Y'all, I don't know what to do. There are five other people who work in my office. One was out, because her 3-year-old was having her tonsills out.

And that just leaves four.

One, our general manager, was out most of the day. And it wouldn't have been her - she only drinks the straight dope. Usually with a honeybun or a pack of M&Ms. And no, she never gains a pound.

We hate her.

Anyway, of the three others - the office manager, the classifieds guy, and the page editor - my money is on the latter. She's new here, and I don't know her well enough to know if she'd swipe my food or not.

It's not that it's a big deal - if anyone had asked, I would've given them a bottle.

I'm addicited, not stingy.

I guess I just feel a little "violated." And now I'm wondering if the perp has figured out that it wasn't the right thing to do, and now is in a quandry about speaking up.

I had to run back to the office tonight because I'd left the Lunchables there that mom had brought by for Anna Marie (because Tuesday is Lunchables Day, thanks for the preservatives, Gramma) in the fridge.

It was still there. My Coke Zero was still gone.

I can't believe I'm admitting this, but I went around and checked wastebaskets under peoples desks!

It's bugging me that badly.

Now, I'll be eyeing everyone with suspicion. Wednesday, at the staff meeting, I'll be trying to read the body language of my co-workers, to see if any one of them is the guilty party.

Where is Monk when I need him?


amanda said...

What in the jumped-up h*ll is going on?!

(Sorry, Aunt Debi taught me that and I've been wanting to use it...)

That stinks, Melissa. As a former employee of that newspaper, I can't imagine anyone taking something without asking. Heck, Chris' grape sodas stayed in there for a few years after he left, far as I can tell!

Melissa said...

I know! And I can't even blame it on Monette, because she wasn't there today!

(For those of you who never worked in my office, Monette is an 80-year-old woman who comes in on Tuesdays to clean. We had to start locking up the toilet paper because she was stealing it. She has since moved on to our flatware and dishes.)

Valerie said...

first, gotta love 'Manda's "what in the jumped up...' bwa!!!!

second, i have had that happen too. one year my group all chipped in (like we always did) for a HoneyBaked Ham for our own Thanksgiving celebration. we stowed in the fridge @ work, planning on leftover sammiches the next day.

somewhere between then and the next day, some schmuck stole most of the goood meat left!!!

to this day i hope one of two things: either they were so hungry that they could barely afford to eat, and our ham went to some good OR they were just schmucks and then i hope they got gas. BAD gas.

Melissa said...

See, why do people have to go and ruin a perfectly good communal fridge like that?

Can't we all just get along?