Andy Samburg is a genius.

Or at least, whoever came up with this is a genius.

I just about fell off my bed laughing last night at this.

Happy birthday mom!

And thank you Amanda, for having pictures online that I can easily, um, borrow.

(Guess I need to explain that she talks with her hands, and sometimes her hands say some pretty funky things.)

Today is my mom's birthday, and guess what she did.

She had a yard sale.

At my house, because I live "in town" and she lives "out in the county" on a dead-end road.

And yes, having a yard sale is a fitting birthday activity for her.

Tonight we went to see Amanda, and took mom and Little AM to Moe's for a joint birthday dinner.

Apparently, we weren't the only ones with the idea, as some kid was having his actual birthday party there.

Then we took AM to Build A Bear. And finally, we come home with a girl bear! With a normal name! I'll have to introduce "Rose" to you at a later date, because she and Anna Marie spent the night with mom.

Then, mom and Amanda went to Sephora so mom could claim her free tube of body butter for her birthday, and Anna Marie and Jason and I went to The Children's Place.

Man, I love that store.

We had one close by when Anna Marie was a baby, and I'd go stock up on clothes when they were on sale, and then they'd give me "Place Bucks" and I'd come back and spend more when they put more on sale.

Today, I had a coupon for 20% off a purchase of $50 or more. And, they were having a big 50% off sale. We ended up with three outfits (tops and bottoms) and a pair of shoes for $44, including Tennessee's crazy 9.25% sales tax.

It was about $125 worth of clothes, y'all.

The other four went to Dairy Queen for dessert, but I played it safe (thanks, weight-loss plateau!) and went next door to Starbucks for a light pumpkin spice frapp. It was like a pumpkin pie in a glass, if your pumpkin pie contained coffee as a main ingredient. But it was fine.

I'm so exhausted now - we just got home, and I've been up since very, very early to work the yard sale.

Happy birthday mom - and now, I guess, Rose too.

Frustration

Do you know what frustration is?

Do you?

You might think it's trying to get a nearly-six-year-old ready for school.

Nope. I can handle that.

You might think it's working on a newspaper page, have it nearly done, and then having Quark explode just before you hit save, causing you to lose all your work.

Uh uh. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

After last night's disasterous weigh-in, you might think it was losing and then regaining the same two pounds for two months straight.

I'm kind of getting used to that, folks.

This is frustration:



Frustration is knowing that your DVR contains part two in a three-part series of what has become one of your favorite shows, and yet your husband, the ONE WHO GOT YOU HOOKED IN THE FIRST PLACE, refuses to let you watch it.

Because he wants to wait until next week, and watch the next two episodes together.

Who knows if I'll have two whole hours (or, in DVR time, 1.5 hours) to devote to this next week?

My head may just very well explode if I have to watch these last two installments at once.

I've been hanging on the edge of my seat all week, reading the message boards at SciFi.com (did I just admit that?) I have discovered that my obsession is not like that of other "Whovians."

I think I've just got a crush on David Tennant. And I think my husband has figured it out.

And I think he's trying to keep us apart.

Cheeky monkey.

Official Thursday Weigh-in

Well, this is depressing.

My weigh-in was so bad, my leader gave me a booklet on getting through a plateau.

Yeah.

(Jason said she should've given it to me weeks ago, but, whatever.)

Can you tell I'm not having a very good week?

Well, I gained 1.5 pounds this week. Back up to 159.5.

Tomorrow, I'm starting a new routine - I've set my alarm for 15 minutes early.

I'm going to exercise for 15 minutes, first thing in the morning.

I know it isn't much, but I have to work up to this early-morning thing slowly.

And if I don't do it first thing, it won't get done - especially since I have to work late every night last week.

I give up

I can't do it this year.

Nominate me for the Bad Mother Of The Year award. I don't care.

After the rousing success of last year's robot party, we're going party-less this year.

Y'all, I just don't have it in me to plan a party, or host one, or otherwise be party to a party.

The magazine we produce every year took way, way too long. We still haven't gotten the proofs back from the printer, and the thing was supposed to have been published a month ago.

There is quite a bit of topsy-turviness in my family right now. Although I'd like to say that everyone involved would be adults and come together to celebrate Little AM's sixth birthday, I also don't want to put people in awkward positions of having to "make nice" when they don't really want to.

I want her to remember her sixth birthday, not the tension of the grownups in attendance.

Also, there are several scheduling conflicts, since my mom has to speak at a women's conference and Amanda is now singing with her church's praise team on the weekends.

So, we (the Anna Marie Raising Committee, comprised of Mom, Amanda, Jason, and me) have made an executive decision.

We will celebrate her birthday, but not with a big party.

We're going out to lunch at Moe's, and then we'll take her to Build-A-Bear. They were kind enough to send her a coupon, so I'm going to see if I can talk her into a FEMALE bear this time - as opposed to her other two, Power Ranger Bear (with a flaming T-shirt) and Spike (who sports the Harley Davidson insignia on his clothes.)

I'm going to surprise her on her birthday (a Tuesday this year, just like the original one) by coming to school to eat lunch with her.

And the next week, when she's on fall break for two days, I'm taking some time off. And we're going to the Pink Palace Museum in Memphis.

(So named because the original part of the museum is built in a pink-stone mansion, built by Clarence Saunders, founder of Piggly Wiggly and inventor of the modern-day grocery store.)

She's never been, other than to the Festival of Trees a couple of years ago. We didn't go inside the rest of the museum that day.

Unless you count the trip we made when I was pregnant with her. But I don't think she got much out of that experience.

For those of you who are family members and read this, I apologize. I'll be calling you to explain myself, to take my mea culpa.

Because I just can't do the birthday party thing this year.

And now what?

My watch.

My watch has disappeared.

First, it was my bible. I have a small green bible that I keep in my purse, and when I got to church on Sunday, it wasn't there.

I can't find it anywhere.

Then, it was the Amazing Disappearing Coke Zero.

It's still gone, and I'm still no closer to finding out what happened to it. I was almost afraid to put my Yoplait in the fridge this morning, but I'm more afraid of letting 58 cents worth of yogurt go to waste.

And now, I can't find my watch.

It isn't just any watch. Do you see that picture? That's my watch.

It's a Bulova, and it has diamonds, and it's the favorite watch I've ever owned.

It's also the most expensive piece of jewelry I own, next to my wedding set.

I wouldn't have spent that much on a watch, but my brother got it for me for Christmas a couple of years ago. He had just broken up with Wife #1, after buying her an expensive new wedding set (three years of marriage, five wedding sets, you do the math.) She gave him back the ring, but the store wouldn't give him a refund. He got a store credit.

It was Christmas time, so he went shopping. And this is a person who never buys anyone else presents!

I got this watch and a white gold ring with diamonds and sapphires. Which is now three sizes too big, but that's a different story.

Amanda got a similar watch, without the diamonds, that has a pink face (this one is blue, which he knew was my favorite color). She also got a pink sapphire ring just like the one he got me.

She lost it two years ago.

My mom got a set of diamond jewelry - a necklace, bracelet, and earring set. Dad and Jonathan got nice watches, and Jeremy also got himself a nice watch.

(I told you that was an expensive wedding set!)

I'm not really upset about the bible - I have others, and I can buy another one to keep in my purse. We are blessed to live in a country where God's Word is plentiful and relatively cheap.

I'm more bugged than anything about the coke. And curious. But that's about it.

I'm really upset about the watch. It's the least-easily replaced of the things I've lost this week.

I wear it every day, and every night I put it in one of two places - either my jewelry armoire, or, if I'm giving Anna Marie a shower or bath, I'll take it off in the bathroom and put it on the built-in toothbrush holder.

It isn't in either of those places. I looked before I took her to school, and I came back home afterwards and looked again. I wasn't planning on going home for lunch, but I think I may so I can look some more.

I feel naked without it - and a few minutes ago, when I called the Peabody (where I attended a fashion show on Friday and where my bible may have fallen out of my purse) I got a voice mail. It told when the Lost and Found office hours were, and I looked at my watch - or at least where it should have been - to double check what time it was.

I think I'm going to bypass Monk alltogether and go straight to Psych this time.

The Amazing Disappearing Coke Zero

It has long been told on this blog of my devotion to Coke Zero.

Given a choice, it's always what I choose.

And now, in addition to its magical Coke Classic-like taste properties, it has added another skill to its resume.

It disappears.

Amazing, yet true.

In the words of one of my cousins, "This is what had happened."

After dropping Anna Marie off at school this morning, I ran to Walmart.

And whilst at Walmart, I bought a six-pack of half liter bottles of Coke Zero.

Because frankly, I'm tired of walking across the street to the Shell station every time I get a craving for one. And paying about a buck fifty.

And besides, they've been having a Coke Zero shortage over there of late, and one day last week I trekked across Main Street hoping for some faux-Coke goodness, only to leave, defeated, with a Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper.

Hmph.

So, you can easily see my need for the six pack - I'm keeping it in the fridge at work.

Ours is a pretty safe fridge, as work fridges go. I've been working at the paper for nearly five years, and I have yet to see the day when someone steals my food.

I guess we journalists are just civilized that way.

Anyway, I put them in the chill chest the first thing when I got to work this morning.

This afternoon, I went to the kitchen for some water from the water cooler. I don't know why, but I opened the fridge.

(The only food I had in there was the cokes, but I guess it's like when you're at home, and you're hungry, and you keep opening the fridge or the cabinet, hoping that somehow, magically, something new will appear in there this time.)

And what to my wondering eyes should appear?

An empty spot where one of the drinks should be.

It's been driving me batty all day.

At first I thought maybe it was Jason. I'd told him over lunch that I'd bought the drinks, and I thought that he had been out-and-about, and had come in while I was in the restroom, and taken one of my drinks.

Nope.

Y'all, I don't know what to do. There are five other people who work in my office. One was out, because her 3-year-old was having her tonsills out.

And that just leaves four.

One, our general manager, was out most of the day. And it wouldn't have been her - she only drinks the straight dope. Usually with a honeybun or a pack of M&Ms. And no, she never gains a pound.

We hate her.

Anyway, of the three others - the office manager, the classifieds guy, and the page editor - my money is on the latter. She's new here, and I don't know her well enough to know if she'd swipe my food or not.

It's not that it's a big deal - if anyone had asked, I would've given them a bottle.

I'm addicited, not stingy.

I guess I just feel a little "violated." And now I'm wondering if the perp has figured out that it wasn't the right thing to do, and now is in a quandry about speaking up.

I had to run back to the office tonight because I'd left the Lunchables there that mom had brought by for Anna Marie (because Tuesday is Lunchables Day, thanks for the preservatives, Gramma) in the fridge.

It was still there. My Coke Zero was still gone.

I can't believe I'm admitting this, but I went around and checked wastebaskets under peoples desks!

It's bugging me that badly.

Now, I'll be eyeing everyone with suspicion. Wednesday, at the staff meeting, I'll be trying to read the body language of my co-workers, to see if any one of them is the guilty party.

Where is Monk when I need him?

Great "Google"-y Moogley

I have no idea whether or not the last word in that title is spelled correctly.

Anyway.

For those of you who have a blog-visit tracking service, like Site Meter, here's an interesting exercise.

Look under the "referrals" and see how people get to your site.

Now, many will come from other blogrolls, or just directly to your site if they know you.

But some will come from Google searches.

Here are seven Google searches from the past few days that have brought people to Melz World. They are by no means the oddest, just the most recent.

1. Amanda back

Now, I must admit, many of the other sites that Google came up with involved Melrose Place, but they mean nothing to me, because I've never watched a single episode of that show.

2. I put happy birthday on the movie theater screen

I have never, ever done that. I've never typed that. How they got that result is beyond me.

Such is the reasoning of Google.

3. Weight Watcher POINTS IHOP Garden Scramble

I get tons of this search. And no, IHOP doesn't seem to post any nutritional information about any of their food.

There's probably a very good reason for that, folks.

4. High School Musical birthday cake

If these folks had any idea how far behind I was on planning something for Anna Marie's impending 6th birthday, they wouldn't be directing folks to this site.

I'm no help whatsoever in that department.

5. Dimetapp carding

Apparently, I'm not the only one this has happened to.

6. Sam's Club gingerbread house kit

No, that kit didn't come from Sam's. Guess someone didn't get the message.

7. What it means to have friends

Well, apparently someone thinks I have the answer to that question!

So, I hereby issue a challenge to you, the blogging public. Check out your Google searches! See what impression you're giving folks!

Then let us know all the sordid details.

Official Thursday Weigh-in

Well.

Just so you know, as I type this, I am currently unable to breathe through my nose.

Very frustrating.

And yes, I've taken some medicine. Claritin D, about 45 minutes ago. I'm sure Jason had to sign away our first born to obtain them.

Hope they're worth it.

But, my nasal condition is not what you came here for. Let's get down to business, shall we?

No change from last week. None. Nada. Zero. Zilch.

(Zilch? Who made that word up anyway? What language is that?)

Still 158. Still the 80 pound mark continues to elude me.

I'll get you next time, 80! Next time!

Yes, this is Thursday. No, this isn't the Weigh-in.

I just couldn't resist posting this picture.

Her dance stuff finally came in yesterday - leotard, tap shoes (she's wearing them in the picture - high heels!), ballet slippers, and two pair of tights.

Everyone in the class ordered their stuff through the school, which I kind of like, because 1. I don't have to run all over town trying to find stuff, and 2. I don't have to worry that her stuff doesn't look as nice as everyone else's.

Because, yes, I have issues. We've discussed this before.

I asked her to pose, and this is her "star" pose. Literally. She was trying to look like an actual star, with the five points and everything.

Amazing how the prospect of looking like an honest-to-goodness dancer can take a teary-eyed, pouty little girl (upset because her ponytail was a little to the side) and turn her into a star.

Just as I suspected…

Fall is here!

Fall is in the air

I love Fall.

Really.

It may not be "officially" here yet, but today, it sure felt like it.

Unlike the past three or four months when it's been unbearably hot both day and night, I think we've turned a corner.

It was (relatively) cool today. A high of about 75 or 80. Breezy and mild.

Beautiful and perfect.

We spent the day with my mom. And what started out as "let's get lunch and some Elecrasol tabs" turned into "a six-hour shopping expedition."

And two new fall outfits for Anna Marie - one for picture day at school!

And both with shirts with monkeys!

And as I type this, I'm sipping from a big mug of sugar free hot apple cider.

I love Fall!

Official Thursday Weigh-in

Part eleventy million.

Really, I feel like I've been on this weight loss journey for about 29 bazillion years.

Since the 37th of Juvember.

When, in reality, it's just been a little over two years.

I've had my ups, my downs, and my stay-the-sames.

And tonight, I had a down.

I lost a pound, albeit one I'd already lost.

158. 79 pounds lost.

That 80-pound goal I'd hoped to achieve two and a half months ago still alludes me. But it'd better watch out.

I'm coming for it.

Checking in before weighing in

Hey all, this is Kermit D. Frog!

Wait, wait, that's not right.

Do you remember that opening line? From Kermit's news cast on Sesame Street, with the logo that, if I remember correctly, looked like a thundercloud? And that music, that's even now running through my head?

No? Sorry, it's been a long week.

I finally, FINALLY got the magazine uploaded last night. Nearly two weeks behind the original schedule. I haven't heard back from the printer yet, but I'm crossing my fingers AND my toes.

I also put together a special section in about 2.5 seconds and sent it to our presses yesterday morning. God only knows what that's going to come out looking like.

And this morning, it's raining. Jason lies at home, probably still in bed, and here I sit, typing away.

Man, I need a day off! These past few weeks have almost been more than a girl like me can handle.

At least I have my Rosebud Salve to help me make it through.

Oh, Sephora

(You have to say that like the opening notes of the title song from the musical "Oklahoma." Doesn't that sound neat?)

I fell in love with a store a few months ago.

An online store.

An online store called Sephora.

It was a long-distance relationship. The nearest Sephora store to my home was over an hour away, so I had to make do with occasional web encounters.

But not any more.

They've opened a brand spanking new location at the Wolfchase Mall, just a stone's throw from Amanda's new digs.

(Too bad it'll be completely lost on her, since she DOESN'T WEAR MAKEUP!)

(As the British slang goes, that's well shameful)

Anyway, we (mom, AM, and I) went to Amanda's last night to take her some more stuff.

And eat at Moe's.

And visit Super Target.

(Man, I have SO got to find a way to move to that area. And have a good job, so I can hang with the Starbucks crowd.)

And I convinced mom to take us to Wolfchase so I could take the new Sephora store for a spin.

Mom really wasn't sure what this Sephora was that I was going on and on about.

And then she saw for herself.

And it was love at first sight.

Ever been in a Sephora store? No? Let me bring you up to speed.

It's like the Health and Beauty Aids section of your favorite store, except much much bigger. Or, like the cosmetics section of a department store, except the sales staff is knowledgable about all the products, and they don't try to push any particular line.

And you can try everything.

Did you hear that? Say it with me now. EVERYTHING.

Guess what little red head walked out of there with blue eyeshadow and gold lips, and a wee little bottle of orange nail polish?

(No, it wasn't Jason, although one of the male sales associates was wearing more makeup than I was. He looked better in it too. Great cheekbones!)

I got some Rosebud Salve and AM got the aforementioned nail polish.

And mom? She walked out with about $50 in various skincare products. She's a junkie. I remember her using Oil of Olay when I was about three years old, which would've made her about 25 at the time.

The woman is serious about her skincare.

And I got to introduce my young daughter to the joys of beauty products.

And the joys of sampling all those products free of charge.

Official Thursday Weigh-in

Things I did not do today:

1. Journal in my Fit Day account.
2. Finish our Welcome to Tate County magazine.
3. Retrieve my notebook from a friend's office that was left after a meeting yesterday.
4. Get the names for a picture I took last week and should've gotten the names for when I took the picture, but was a big dummy and didn't.
5. Lose any weight.

Things I did do today:

1. Develop a tension ache in my head, shoulders, and neck.
2. Get my mom to get Anna Marie a really cute ballet bag, which I'm probably going to send back because it is light colored and not machine washable, and also really small.
3. Have a wreck in my driveway with Jason's Jeep, which caused me to . . .
4. Get into a fight with Jason, the inconsiderate lout, which made it even worse when I . . .
5. Gained a pound.

(Shakes fist in the air)

Geez Louise. I lose 2.5 pounds last week, bringing me within spitting distance of that 80 pound mark, only to gain a pound of it back! And I was being so good, as evidenced by my Fit Day journals! And I started weight training to work on my upper arms in anticipation of my BFF Marcia's wedding and the sleeveless bridesmaids dresses contained therein!

UGGGG!

P.S. For those of you keeping score, this whole mess means I now weigh 159, and have lost a total of 78 pounds.

Guess who is going to be a mouse this Christmas?

No word yet on whether Aunt Manda can be persuaded to come watch.

Anna Marie had her first dance lesson yesterday - poor thing, not only did their gear not come in so she had to do class in her school clothes, but the air was out in the building!

Her class is half ballet/half tap. And the ballet part is tied to the ballet company in the county just north of here.

And they do The Nutcracker every year.

And Anna Marie is going to be a mouse!

We're pretty excited. She's pretty excited.

Apparently they've assigned all the kids in her level of dance to be mice. Which is OK by me, because it means she can be in the production without having to compete for a part right off the bat.

And now, I've got the "Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy" running through my head.

At least it's replaced the High School Musical 2 that was there this morning, thanks to AM.

A big ole apology

I got an email tonight from someone whose blog I really enjoy reading, and who I'd added to my blogroll months and months ago.

And she wasn't there anymore, and she thought she'd done something to make me not like her anymore.

And I owe her a big ole apology (which I've emailed to her) and to anyone else who used to be there but isn't anymore.

When I switched back to the new Blogger a few months ago (to put that adorable picture of AM at the top) I had a feeling that some of my blogroll didn't make it.

And I was right.

So, now you know - and you know that I don't always use my blogroll to read the blogs on my blogroll.

I'm a Google Reader now. It's my big, fat, ugly secret.

So, I DO read lots of blogs, but kind of in a hurried way, so I don't always take the time to comment.

Google Reader has made me a lazy blogging friend.

Feel free to hate on me.

Google Reader, I wish I could quit you!

Naked to the world

My eating habits, at least.

I've taken up a challenge posted by The Amazing Shrinking Mom and posting my food intake on Fit Day for all the world to see.


My Fit Day Journal

Read it. I'll do the weeping.

It's helping keep me honest, and also helping me see a better breakdown of where I'm spending my POINTS. (And no, I don't know why they always write it in all caps. They just do.)

For instance, if you'd seen yesterday's journal, you'd now be keen to the fact that I ate half a chicken at a church cookout yesterday.

(Yes, you read right. Half a chicken. That's the problem with those leg quarters. Eat two of them, and you've downned half the bird. I'm not proud.)

Anyway, Mel (The Amazing Shrinking Mom herself) has challenged her readers to post to Fit Day for 10 days. We're on day 5. I can't believe I've stuck with it this long!

I'm also using Diet Facts to help me find nutritional info for some of the foods I'm eating. It's pretty awesome.

Maybe I'll do a little Melz World Challenge of my own - anyone game?

Mama needs a new pair of shoes

Really.

And this is my desperate attempt to win a pair of Rykas.

Thanks to Lissete, I've been directed to I Should Be Folding Laundry where a pair of Rykas are being given away.

Sweet.

Anyway, the fun ends Wednesday, so hop on over there and leave a comment.

But be forewarned - I'm going to win!

The promised patch picture

Amanda came over last Friday after Jason had helped her move some of her stuff and was able to snap this picture of Anna Marie in her patch.

It was quite a task, because she doesn't really want people outside of her family to see it. Well, if she thinks about it, that is. Otherwise, she doesn't care.

It was yellow day at school, so of course, she had to wear yellow. And when I get around to posting the pictures from Saturday's trip to Sesame Street Live with my cousins and their sons, you'll notice the same clothes. Because she spent Friday night with mom, and even though I sent clean clothes over there, mom and Amanda liked this outfit so much they washed it and she wore it again.

(Man, being up this early and not having to go to work, who knows WHAT I'll accomplish!)

Better than a dang alarm clock

Jason must have a bladder of steel.

Really.

Because he can lie in bed until noon or after, easy. Never once does he get up.

Me, not so much.

Since I have to be up at the same time every morning, my body gets used to, well, relieving itself at that time.

So no matter how late I go to bed, I still wake up around the same time to go to the restroom.

Grrr.

And then when I get finished, I can't get back to sleep. Because I eat breakfast at the same time every day, too. And the stomach growling starts.

Double grrr.

So, happy Labor Day, folks. I hope you slept later than I did.